Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
