Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
