If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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