eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
