I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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