farters have to be the big spoon...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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