I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
