Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
