Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
