thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
