Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
