And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
