Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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