Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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