so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
