Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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