There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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