when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
