i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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