all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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