This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
