I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
