put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
