...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
