If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
