well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
