I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
