I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
