Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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