i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
