Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
