I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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