The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
