The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
