There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
