I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
