take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
