we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
