Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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