i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish you could order shots online.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
