it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
