I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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