My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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