I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
