dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
