is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
