Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
