Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
