i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
