Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The air was thick with penises
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
