M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
